Coffee & Cookies

Tonight's Episode

Sensitive subjects can be sensitive. It’s hard to make oneself vulnerable to self-improvement when the first step ends in betrayal. This was the first story I tried to do on the fly, audibly. It’s very heavily edited for reading.

I thought that there could have been times in my life where it could have been a good idea for me. One of the things that I remember thinking about was, you know, there’s coffee and there are cookies. If there’s nothing else, at least there’s some coffee. Maybe even some real half-and-half but probably only some kind of creamer. Hopefully not one of those powdery creamers because I like to just fatten up my coffee just a little bit, just to put some fat in it, you know. I’m not looking for sugar. When I drink coffee, I’m looking for fat. If I want sugar, then I’ll eat cookies. That’s what the cookies are for. That’s what that is, and that’s the whole point.

So I thought about what would happen if I went to one of those meetings and how nice that would be. That’s what today’s story is about. Maybe today I should be Controversial Herschel. Maybe it’s Controversial Greg.

https://herschelsterling.com/#cat-relationships It’s so good being able to go to my website, do a keyword search and look through the category tree to find a story I need to work on or finish, or update, like this one.

Greg doesn’t like to make himself vulnerable like this, and he doesn’t like to think he has any problems. He’s like most people, he’s willing to bury his problems and just go on with his life. It’s few and far between who make the decision to take control of things differently, and Greg knows that. His friend in recovery told him that even if you even think for a minute that you might need it, then you probably do. Even if it just crosses your mind that you should maybe get some help or go talk to other people, then maybe you probably should, and maybe nip it in the bud and deal with it. That’s pretty good advice, That’s the way Greg felt. He knew that.

There is a really nice batch of hot, high quality coffee to share with their confidants at their recovery session, and Greg felt either way, whatever kind of coffee there is, at least he’s going to have that. Even if he just has to put the fake creamer in there with gross artificial vanilla, that’ll be okay.

He thought, “As long as I’ve got some little shortbread cookies with the little jelly on top, you know, and the little round coconut ones with the chocolate stripes on it, you know, at least there’ll be something there.” He’s thinking, “You know, I really doubt very much that I’ll get in there and there will be that dry corn syrup solids that they use for coffee creamer. I really doubt they’re gonna do that. Nobody’s that cheap. If there are no sandwiches, that’s okay, it’s gonna be alright.” He thinks.

Greg is outside, and he’s having a smoke and there are a whole bunch of people standing outside smoking waiting to get in and some of them even have coffee already. They actually had a coffee on the way. They’re totally getting ready. “They are down for the whole thing.” Greg thinks to himself. “Yeah, this is a good crowd. I can hang out with these guys.”

He meets a guy named Gary there, and he meets another dude who calls himself Dimple. That’s his nickname. He’s got a dimple chin and everybody calls him Dimple, but he’s got an earring in his nose and long hair, and maybe he’s just kind of a weird narcissistic artist. Anyway, his name is Dimple. Greg meets a lot of interesting people there before he even goes in, and he’s already feeling more comfortable.

The doors open, and the guys go in and there’s a bunch of people going in, and a lot of people were already in there, and he didn’t realize it, but that was just the smoking crowd outside. The non-smoking crowd was inside, and that’s okay with Greg because he was having a smoke anyway.

Greg is looking around for the table with the coffee and the cookies, as he walks around, and he’s saying hi to everybody. He keeps looking, and he kind of sees an area over off to the side on the right of the entrance. He goes and sits down in that area. There are maybe 30 people or more and there are two sets of chairs set up in two oval rows around the main speaker person, this way everyone can pretty much see one another.

He waits, and the meeting starts. He’s quite perplexed, and there are plenty of people drinking coffee. Also, people drinking energy drinks. There are people just drinking water and people with juice. People are snacking on stuff that they brought themselves, but from what he can see up to this point there’s no coffee set out, no cookies, no donuts, no granola bars, like nothing. Just a sad little drinking fountain off to the side of the other side of the entrance from where the swinging doors are.

The meeting starts and the person leading the discussion introduces themselves. There are a lot of people talking and reacquainting since last week’s meeting. People are pointing out that there’s a new person. The time comes where the people begin introducing themselves, saying hello.

“My name is Dimple”, I’m an addict”, and “Hello my name is Marjorie, I’m an addict”. They proceed to go around, and they get to Greg. Greg’s brand new and the person leading the group says, “Greg it’s nice to see you, thanks for introducing yourself, you don’t have to talk to us today if you don’t want to. We’re not here to put any pressure on you, we know it’s your first time, and we really don’t expect you to have to really get into anything, but if you really need to talk to us, you can.”

“I really do have something to say.” He stands up, “My name is Greg. I came here today and I realized that I was taking a big step, potentially. I don’t really know if I need to be here, but I know that everybody says that.” I came here knowing that I might make myself vulnerable. Like I said I came here with certain expectations. I came here trusting all the people, and all the times people have told me about their meetings, and thinking to myself that if nothing else comes of this at least I will have the comfort of knowing that I can have that coffee and have those cookies, and that will be a solace for me at this moment of vulnerability; at this moment of putting myself out there I will at least have the coffee and the cookies for comfort, and I get here, and it’s BYO and nobody even told me.”

“Oh, Greg, Greg, we’re so sorry we had no idea that was so important to you.”

“You took that from me.” Greg says, “My first day at meeting, my first meeting, and I’m not really sure if this is the right place for me. I don’t really think that this particular group is the particular group for me. I want a mulligan, I want a do-over, and I want my coffee and I want my cookies.” 1,021 Words